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Never Say Never

I’ve been dropping this link all over creation today so I may as well go on and say what I have to say. Halle Berry is engaged again, this time to Olivier Martinez.

I think it is lovely that she is willing to give love another chance. What concerns me is that she stated on national television (on Oprah no less) that she would never, ever, never ever, never ever ever ever ever marry again. I thought at the time it was a rather dramatic display of her bruised feelings, and she has proven me correct.

I don’t know much about Mr. Martinez, except that he is supposedly the French version of Brad Pitt and obviously has good taste in women. For a social/status/entertainment world catch, he hit a home run. Halle is one of the most beautiful women in the entertainment world, and if he’s looking for some increased publicity opportunities with a mate, then she’s the one for him.

Excuse me for a minute while I go all astrology weird and crazy on you but she is such a Leo. Love and live for drama and wear their hearts on their sleeves. The minute they get their hearts broken, they make wild and excessive declarations of what they’ll never do or what they’ll die for or whatever to anyone who will listen. And in her case, and lucky for her ego, that’s everybody.

The thing is, we all have our relationship ups and downs. Sometimes the one you think will be with you forever turns out to be Satan’s right hand man (or woman). Other times, just when you’re ready to throw in the towel, here comes the love of a lifetime. That is, if you don’t make that person suffer for everything that happened to you before you met them. The difference between Halle and so many of the rest of us is that her love life has been cast as her co-star, but it is in the running to steal the award for best antagonist in a reality show. Everytime she gives up all the horribly ugly details of a love gone wrong she divides her fans into two camps - those that pity her and those that just want her to keep some of that to herself. I guess I fall into the latter camp…all I want her to do is shut up and be my inspiration to go to the gym or put on something besides sweatpants to run to the grocery store. Too late for that now I guess, but I wish her all the luck and love in the world anyway.

Chandra Adams
Adrolite Press
C Dyann Designs
Chatmon's Books

Posted by The Man Shortage at 1/11/2012 11:08 PM | Add Comment

We Love To Talk About Relationships

I just finished filming the first few shows of Authors N Focus with my co-host Charles Chatmon. We talked with authors who write fiction as well as non-fiction and the most common and recurring theme is that of relationships, primarily told from a woman’s perspective. From Jas Jamieson’s book entitled Chocolate Ain’t Always Sweet, or Aja Rae’s If He’s A Good Man, You Don’t Need A Plan B, or Michele Waters’ Can’t Let Go, to Ci Ci Foster’s Sunny Rain, fictional accounts of love lost and gained are out there for our enjoyment and also for warnings and cautionary tales. One book that caught my attention was Nelson Brown’s How To Know When Your Man Is Up To No Good. Brown is a married man who gives women the tools to move toward a happy and healthy relationship with a man. The advice and information is there but it’s up to women to implement it and grow from their experiences.

Talking about and reading about healthy relationships is one thing but what happens when women are faced with real life situations? I’ve seen a lot of women and men for that matter, give up when the going gets tough. Some people, like Halle Berry, decide that they just aren’t the marrying kind. Others pick themselves up, dust off the dirt and keep going until they get it right. Whatever the case, if you really want love, go for it! When the going gets rough, take some time and read a good book, have a good cry, take a nice vacation, or buy a nice dress (or suit). Just stay true to yourself and you just might find more than you ever expected.

Chandra Adams

Author

Shades of Retribution

Shades of Redemption (coming soon)

Posted by The Man Shortage at 4/16/2011 2:37 PM | Add Comment

Thoughts For Colored Girls (and All Girls and Boys)

This movie had been pressing in on my brain since I finished viewing it so I might as well get this review in with the hopes of finding some peace.

Tyler Perry’s silver screen adaptation of For Colored Girls was a great movie and I enjoyed it very much. The acting was on point, the storylines were engaging, and I generally love stories about women. Thandie Newton stepped into that bad girl role with incredible ease and her startling and abrasive anger made me alternately shake my head and laugh. I could laugh with her character because I understood her brand of anger and her ability to make it absurd and laughable. Phylicia Rashad, beautiful as ever stood in to keep the entire cast of troubled women from unraveling with her character’s display of wisdom and wit. Ms. Jackson played the part of the ice queen to perfection, and Kimberly Elise’s character showed us how easy it is to lose track of your dignity and self-esteem and the devastating effects of it all. I applaud Tyler Perry’s effort and am pleased that he seized the opportunity to breathe new life into this important work by Ntozake Shange. My commentary would not be complete if I did not mention the fact that I portrayed the lady in red in a monologue for a college drama class. I love Shange’s work, and even hesitated in viewing this adaptation for fear that it would not meet up to my own expectations and experience in reciting her work.

I can’t say I’m anywhere near as critical of the movie as I am pleased with it, but there were some issues with the work that have irritatingly set up shop in my head, which may reveal both its effectiveness and some of its weakness. The rape scene disturbs me more and more as time passes by because it highlighted how vulnerable each and every one of us is to acts of violence. Those that we think we know well are capable of betraying our trust and that may in fact be more devastating than any one random act of aggression and abuse. This part of the movie, though painful and unsettling, was a key component of the entire story.

I felt at times that some of the women had generally fallen asleep at the wheel. How many times can a grown woman who definitely knows better allow a grown man to walk in and out of her life every few days? And why would I want to listen to her recite a poem about it after it became painfully clear that he was just a clown anyway? Why should I feel sorry for you if your live-in friend has been beating up your kids, you tell him that you’re not going to marry him and act surprised when he takes his foolishness to another level? If you let him beat up on you, I suppose that’s your business but the kids? He would have been the one eating concrete, and I do mean sooner than later. I am typically a big crier in movie theaters at the slightest provocation, but certain scenes such as these left me dry-eyed and painfully aware of just how much human beings can and will usher in their own misery.

Then, of course, there was that pink elephant in the room called man-bashing. Can we find a way to show women demonstrating empowerment without making all or most men look like sewer rats? Let me put this out there - there’s no excuse for any man who molests small children and the otherwise vulnerable, nor one who uses his physical strength or economic position to beat, rape or kill women. Clearly Perry knows his audience and shows no shame in catering to females. Women support his work and he communicates his appreciation for that through his themes. He will occasionally highlight one or two male characters who are good and try to support women, but they too have to pay some sort of price for all of the wrongs done before their arrival on the scene. A storyline is not a storyline without some sort of conflict, but I’m talking balance here. One theme often not discussed in many movies is that many times women are to blame for other women’s suffering, and women are often responsible for helping to raise no-good men by displaying their own misogynistic tendencies.

Overall I applaud Perry and will continue to support him but I do believe it is time for all of us to turn the page on how we digest these recurring cinematic themes. For Colored Girls is a worthwhile event for moviegoers and inspiration for us all to examine our beliefs about ourselves and the opposite sex.

Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution

Posted by The Man Shortage at 11/28/2010 12:13 AM | View Comments (3) | Add Comment

Never Satisfied?

I recall the first time I finished reading Michael Baisden's Never Satisfied: How and Why Men Cheat and couldn't help but think of how childish the men in this book actually sounded. I also noticed over the years how many of the same sentiments have been repeated in both fiction and non-fiction by black people in particular. I hardly ever see these types of books written by other races or nationalities.
What makes it so difficult for many American black people to get it together in the love department? And when we experience what we perceive as failure, why do we have to vow to bring about Armageddon on the opposite sex, one broken heart at a time?
I have contributed to the wealth of books that cover this topic with my own work of fiction. In Shades of Retribution , my detail of scorned sisters take to the night and keep the brothers scared to wander out after nightfall. The fuel behind the terrorism is a collection of broken hearts and some truly ineffective stress management.
Consider this basic fact. Human beings need love and lots of it. Leave a child unattended for long periods of time and you'll come back to find someone with a whole bunch of behavioral and learning problems. We as humans need smiles, hugs, and praise. Love is the hottest commodity of all. The problem is, most of us have no idea of how to go about getting love, or even how to keep it if the opportunity presents itself.
I have seen many black men vow secretly or out in the open to never fall in love. This is expressed through infidelity, domestic violence and general neglect of the woman while they reap all of the benefits of being loved. Women do this as well, but right now I am focused on men. I am focused on the men because I have come to realize that men are a lot more emotionally sensitive than women. A woman can get her heart broken and turn around and give love another chance. Once a man truly falls in love and gets his heart broken, he's not likely to take a chance on giving his heart totally again afterward. Some spend a lifetime punishing subsequent women for the first who did him wrong. This obviously gets us no where as a community. Some seek relief outside of their own race, convinced that black women are devils who are undeserving of respect or love. Others continue to try, but without much success.
The fact that black male/black female relationships problems continue to be a heated topic is good news because it demonstrates interest and desire to work it all out. The dialogue is there, when will we turn the corner? We embellish and exaggerate and belabor our issues for all the world to see. Relationships are fundamental to health and prosperity and may explain why black people tend to have so many health problems and remain at the bottom of the global wealth spectrum. A black woman is a reflection of a black man's mother, sister, and ultimately himself. If he hates her, he hates himself. If you hate yourself it is impossible to love anyone else, whether she is black, white or anywhere in between. I wrote about black relationships with the hope of inspiring dialogue. I hope that one day Never Satisfied and Shades of Retribution merely serve as historical accounts of a dark period of black life in America.

Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution
Coming soon
Shades of Redemption

Posted by The Man Shortage at 11/5/2010 6:12 PM | Add Comment

Why Did Virginia Call Anita After All This Time?

What is it with some women who just can’t admit they married a bad guy? Why do they feel the need to go after the other woman? And shouldn’t there be a written statute of limitation on it, say after one year, that you cannot confront the other woman?

That’s assuming that you can call Anita Hill the other woman. I have heard some people say that she only went after Clarence Thomas in court because he wouldn’t leave Virginia. If I look at Anita Hill, and then look at him, I just don’t believe that was the case. Who knows? Either way, nineteen years is just too much time. But since Virginia made the call, I imagine a couple of things could have sparked this action:

1. Clarence was caught with his hand in the cookie jar again

You know I’m not talking about Chips Ahoy. That dude looks sneaky and greedy and Mama Bear probably decided enough was enough, let me go back to day one and set these little girls straight.

2. Nothing says you’re an alpha female like stalking another female and making demands

Since Justice Cuddle Bears has been fading into the background lately, why not stir the pot? Show Washington D.C. who’s boss?

Virginia Thomas just proved one of my theories correct - whether you’re on the playground, in junior high, old enough to know better, or ready for the retirement home, some females love to tear each other down. And if there’s a man in between them, watch out because jealousy never dies.

Chandra Adams

Author

Shades of Retribution

Coming soon - Shades of Redemption

Posted by The Man Shortage at 10/24/2010 9:06 PM | Add Comment

Tara, You and Sookie Need To Raise Your Standards, Really

I know times are hard when it comes to finding that special someone. The women of True Blood really take desperation to another level. I'll start with Sookie, the star of the show. She falls in love with Bill, and I have to admit, Bill is a pretty hunky vampire. He works for her to a point, because he is basically dead and she can't penetrate his thoughts with her telepathic powers. Fine. But how many times can you let somebody suck your blood before it gets old? I don't know, only Sookie knows but she will probably need to get herself checked out for anemia sooner or later.
I think Tara is the one I struggle with the most. Like Sookie she is very attractive and I have the sneaking suspicion if she left Bontemps she could have her pick. Instead, she parades her dysfunction in the form of bad attitudes and emotional outbursts and evey freak within a 20 mile radius has answered her call for further abuse. It starts out with a crush on a childhood friend who is very much a slut-puppy, to a drug dealer who is under the spell of a mythical creature, to a stalky, creepy vampire who kidnaps her and insists that she um, love him. Oh and can't forget the affair with her boss who happens to be a dog part-time. Yeah...times are hard but they ain't that hard.
As much as I love this show I am growing tired of the romantic antics. Part of the appeal of the show is the non-stop drama for sure, but why can't Tara just settle down, even for a little while with someone that isn't just completely warped? Oh, wait that won't work since eveybody is either a vampire, werewolf, or just plain crazy. Well I'm still rooting for you Tara Thornton, but you might want to stop running around announcing how screwed up you are and I bet the freaks will leave you alone.

Chandra Adams
Author
Shades of Retribution

Posted by The Man Shortage at 9/1/2010 10:45 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

Shades of Retribution Excerpt 1

Sit back and enjoy an excerpt from my first book Shades of Retribution.

Join us at The Los Angeles Black Book Expo, Saturday August 21st at the Sheraton Gateway LAX Hotel. Visit LABBX.com for details!

Chandra Adams

Download | Duration: 00:05:01

Posted by The Man Shortage at 7/12/2010 10:27 PM | Add Comment

I Apologize, Tiger Podcast

Walk down memory lane with me and remember the Tiger Woods scandal, get details on The Los Angeles Black Book Expo coming Saturday, August 21, 2010

Download | Duration: 00:04:46

Posted by The Man Shortage at 6/29/2010 10:22 PM | Add Comment

Throw Him A Party

That guy that ran through your life, made a fool of you, made you cry, or cheated on you? Throw him a party.

You say what? Spend more of your hard earned money and time on that loser? Well I must admit that I exaggerate. But I want you to think about something here. Ladies, when it feels like that loser has left his footprints all over you, go ahead and cry for a little while, burn his pictures, and lick your wounds. But let me tell you, that fool did you a favor of a lifetime. He came in to fulfill his own needs and boost his own low self-esteem but he showed you exactly what you think you want but definitely don’t need. If you ever see the dust bunny again, smile, thank him, and tell him that you might even throw him a party for leaving you alone.

Posted by The Man Shortage at 6/13/2010 3:29 PM | Add Comment

What About Your Friends

Do you have friends that seem to be unhappy when you are doing well? Do you keep people around you that are always criticizing your appearance or your choices? Do you stay in contact with people who have happy, healthy relationships, or do their lives always seem filled with drama? Chances are, if their lives are in chaos, they will want yours to be as well.

Don’t get me wrong - everybody deserves a second chance. People change and grow, make mistakes, experience and project pain. At the end of the day, though, you want to surround yourself with people who enrich your life, not take what they want and leave you to fend for yourself.

Your true friends will remain, and I count relatives in that same group. You can’t choose the family you are born into, but you can decide who you will spend your time with and whether others are worthy of your time and love.

Are you looking for someone special to spend your life with, but can’t seem to find the time or the opportunity? Try going out by yourself to a concert, book event, or art exhibit. Believe it or not it can be very intimidating for someone to strike up a conversation with a group of your friends standing nearby. Unless of course your friends want to see you happy with someone.

However you decide to proceed in your friendships remember to remain compassionate and forgiving. I believe that often people who have hurt others are just not capable of giving the kind of love that is required to maintain healthy relationships. I also believe that if they were capable of doing better by others and even within themselves, they would do better. It is your job to lead by example, and you can’t do that if you are allowing others to treat your time, your heart and your love like something to wipe their feet on, or worse.

Chandra Adams

Shades of Retribution

Posted by The Man Shortage at 5/17/2010 8:35 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

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