It used to be that men were the only ones that thought about providing for family, but in our new economy our parent’s way of living is surely shifting before our very eyes.

According to the Vallejo Times Herald, A power shift to wives women are quickly becoming the major breadwinners in their families. Armed with higher levels of education, women aged 30 to 44 are out-earning their men and being paid handsomely. Although women as a whole are still paid only 77.9%, the current wave of joblessness has allowed white collar workers to maintain stable earnings while blue collar work has gone by the wayside.

What exactly does this mean to relationships and marriages? I watched Wanda Sykes last night, and I had to agree with one of her panelists, Hamish Linklater - any marriage where at least one partner is working these days is cause for a ‘Woo-hoo!’.

Let's say that if these statistics apply to all Americans in general, then it appears that the 'shortage' of black men working will only compound until Barry O. finally waves his hand and commands the unemployment seas to part. Many wonder how men will handle the idea of their wives out-earning them and in many cases out-employing them. I say plenty will get along just fine, which could raise a few eyebrows along the way.

So when Mrs. Breadwinner comes home and sees Mr. Stay At Home on the couch, tuned in to ESPN with a big ham sandwich hanging out of his mouth, she might want to ask herself why this male is so content with the status quo. Is he a Freeloader, a Male Gold-Digger or part of the Balanced Equation?

Freeloaders are there in both good and bad times. The bad times aren’t so bad so long as you are making something. You just cleared a dollar on your last paycheck? He’ll ask for $0.50. You only made 20 cents? He’ll need 10 cents. You get the picture. The same is true for any moocher, though - the better your income, the less the Freeloader has to do. Unfortunately with these guys, you won’t truly know who he is until a honey with a bigger bag of change comes along, because he’ll be chasing that - nothing like a well-paid big booty to get these guys off the couch, especially if it’s bigger than yours.

Male Gold-Diggers are a little more difficult to understand even once they have ditched you because they usually appear to be independent and upwardly mobile when you meet them. He may be working on that that MBA at Stanford or Harvard when you meet him. He will hook you with the seemingly attainable dream of a storybook life, complete with white-picket fence, as long as you are willing to finish putting him through school or over-extend your credit for some huge house or the fat car he’ll need to push once he’s finished with his law degree. He’s only sitting on the couch watching the game because his job of hustling you is finished, finals are over and he just finished putting a couple of divorce lawyers on speed dial and his fingers are tired.

Before you dismiss me as some bitter, scorned little woman, I do know that all is not lost for Mrs. Breadwinner. She will find herself, in any economy, part of the Balanced Equation if she married a good man. A good man will know and communicate that he would prefer to be the top earner, but finds alternative ways to contribute and bring balance to the relationship until his financial situation improves. He will become increasingly creative in making his wife and family proud, and will refuse to let his ego get between himself and his beloved. You know where he is every hour of the day and he will not become mired in self-pity. He will let you know that he appreciates you and will offer his full support of your success, because he knows that his wife’s success is his success. He’s sitting on the couch when you open the door after a long day’s work because his favorite team is headed for the play-offs, and he knows that you will want to enjoy the game with him.

What this challenging economy will mean in years ahead for couples of any ethnicity and background remains to be seen, but a woman’s need for smart and forward-thinking strategies remain in the forefront of our ever-changing landscape.

Chandra Adams

Shades of Retribution